“The need to be right”- the different faces of human ego.
I love Dyer’s famous quote “ if you have to choose between being right and being kind, choose to be kind”.
Human ego comes in various forms and disguises. The obvious ones are hate, disgust, revenge, anger, resentment, arrogance, contempt, discrimination, vanity, aggression, violence and treachery, in and amongst many others. These behaviors are witnessed on a regular basis in all walks of society.
Ego, however, comes in various disguises — one of them is “ the need to be right”. We all know at least one person who is “always right”. Not willing to backdown, not willing to concede or change stance, rapidly resorting to personal comments with no possible amicable solution to the argument in hand.
A person who is egotistical to the point of always being right have several underlying motives and stimuli.
At the top of the list is insecurity- the expectation and the burden put on as a child to be constantly right. This deep seated behavior manifest as an adult in terms of insecurity. “What will happen if people think I am wrong”? “I can’t be seen to be backing down- it’s a sign of weakness”.
Intellectual elitism- the need to exhibit superior knowledge by proving others are wrong, leads to the unrelenting urge to be right all the time. This comes from a place of “superiority”- the feeling that one is better than the others. Lastly certain anxiety disorders can lead a person to act and believe as they are right all the time. It makes them feel at ease and not in a mentally disruptive state.
Self-reflection and insight are the key drivers for self-improvement and change. Be flexible in your thoughts- there is no such thing as an objective absolute truth, not on a one to one personal basis anyway. Even the presence of God is debated between theists and atheist. Truth, fairness, valour and morality all can be discussed and debated.
Be willing to grant the other person freedom to their opinions. Put your argument forward, indulge in the learning process wholeheartedly and sincerely and be ready to change your opinions. Be willing to apologies and say sorry and the best of all, the real winner, if you feel that the opposite number has the obsessive “need to be right” be kind and say “you are right”.
